Let’s Plasticate

(Crowd bloging experience by:
Mayte RDV, Carme Serra, Raúl Escolano, Mercedes García, Elena RDV, Paco Pascual, Gonzalo López, Pedro Esparcia, Amaya Moyá, German Ponte and Pablo Saracho )


What’s that? Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s an Earth-sized Multicolored Plastic Super Ball!

The world’s plastic materials have joined forces and are leading an attack from Plasticland, a planet made of flavoured-water bottle caps and covered by a fine plastic thread extruded from supermarket bags.

There’s only one way to deal with the new menace: Nature. Earth, wind, fire and water are the only elements capable of creating the necessary tools that will enable us to succesfully face Plasticland’s threat.


We can’t fail the planet!

The forces of nature stand beside us. The textures of earth, the extreme temperatures and changes of water, the purification that only fire can bring and both the gentleness and brutality of air…

After pinning all our hopes on the Super Elements, we were kind of disappointed when plastic crushed us like ants.


Fire couldn’t defeat plastic due to the ensuing contamination and poisonous stench that killed the scant survivors. Nor could water, because plastic would decimate its creatures and litter the seabed. Nor could air, for it left plastic unscathed. And earth tried to bury it, but it didn’t destroy it. WHAT A MESS! Let’s not lose hope, surely there is another solution.


If we can’t manage a quick victory, why don’t we try to talk plastitudes with them?

It’s been known to work.

Let’s do it: let’s find a team of diplomats that can explain the benefits of a peaceful coexistence.

The three chosen representatives were seasoned negotiators in this kind of disputes.


The delegate from the vegetable kingdom was a contraption made of wood who had a lot of tactful discernment in negotiations. The delegate from the Earth’s core was a clay pot not unlike an earthenware pitcher. Representing flesh and blood came a shrewd bacteria that spoke in tongues and knew the most uncanny tricks.


A bit reluctantly, the newly proclaimed King of Plasticland, Poli V, agreed to a meeting between the two parties. Earth’s delegation traveled to Crystalize, the eternally neutral planet.

What could have possessed plastic to attack us? Diplomatic relations with Plasticland had always been good. The plastic population enjoyed full employment and there were decade-long reintegration programs for those plastics in need of recycling.

Could it be yet again the age-long conflict about the sovereignty of Garbage Island? Was it an attempt by the new monarch to improve his low approval ratings?


The meeting revealed that it was a matter of esteem: self-esteem to be precise, or —better yet— lack thereof. After his ascension to the throne, Poli V suffered an emotional crisis that left him unable to rule. Utterly disheartened, he only listened to his heir apparent, a deranged and manipulative teenager that on one occasion whispered into his ear: “You have no balls to attack Earth”.

Poli the Fifth examined his crotch and was pleased to discover balls the size of melons, more than enough to launch an offensive against Earth and, while he was at it, to throw his heir apparent into a recycling furnace for being a smartass.


With the king’s genitalia abundantly praised by Earth’s delegation, it seemed like negotiations were finally on the right track and that the explosive-ridden suicide vests —secretly smuggled by our planet’s emmisaries— wouldn’t be necessary after all. When the wooden delegate tried to take his vest off, his lack of hands caused the thing to drop on the floor, and it’s a well-known fact that a bomb always falls on the red button side.

The explosion was even heard in Honolulu and they all died horribly.

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